Taboo Tuesdays!

Tall, dark and handsome.  Fit, lean and blonde. Curvy, brunette with brown eyes. Redhead with green eyes and legs for days. People with tattoos, people with piercings, dark hair, light hair, light eyes, dark eyes. A rainbow of beautiful skin colors. Men, Women, Transgendered.   Everyone has different things they are attracted to.  Even though whats attractive to me isn’t attractive to someone else. Or when you see someone walking down the street and you think, Wow! How are those two together!? Everyone has their own story, and perhaps their own type.

I used to think, and tell everyone. Ohhhh I don’t have a type! Not me, I just like them tall! But when I was single…I realized I really did have a type. Not only did I like them tall, but also with dark features. I went against the grain for a good portion of my single life dating everyone that was the exact opposite of my ex.  But after awhile I realized, why am I doing that. Were these men attractive? Oh yes! But was I really attracted to them? Yes and no. I think in general I was attracted to the sense that they were something different from what I was used to. But then I decided I didn’t want to just settle for someone because it was the opposite of my past. I wanted to be attracted to someone physically, mentally and emotionally.  Once I went back to let go of trying so hard to find someone opposite of my ex, I was much happier in my dating life. I felt I found more men that I genuinely liked.

I never wanted to have a type because I didn’t want to seem shallow. But then after a good long meditatio on it, I realized its not shallow, its knowing what I like and what I want. It applies to a lot of things. I know when I was job hunting, I didn’t want to settle for some mediocre job that wasn’t going to do anything for me. I waited it out until I found job that paid me right, taught me something and opened up opportunities for the future.

I opened my horizons and tried new things when I was dating. Which was great, and needed. I didn’t limit myself. But after awhile I realized that I liked what I liked and it turned out better when I went with someone who was my “type”.

So do you think a type is a good thing or a bad thing? Do you have a type?

Foreplay Fridays: Feng Shui your Bedroom for Romance!

Having a harmonious bedroom, that is relaxing, inviting and perfect romance can definitely help boost the mood! And even if its chaos for most of the week with clothes tossed on the floor and your nightstands cluttered with cell phones, work and whatnot, its important to take some time occasionally to give your bedroom a little lift. It doesn’t even have to cost you any money! You can Feng Shui what you already have or add little things to enhance the mood!  ***I am by no means a feng shui expert, and this could be wrong or right…I just found this info on the internet…although I like the concepts of Feng Shui and I think your moods/emotions and energy can certainly be affected by the colors and surroundings in your home!***

Here’s some Feng Shui tips I found from About.com:

 

  • Your bed shouldn’t be directly in line with the door and should be balanced on both sides to help facilitate balance in the relationship. Have a good supportive headboard and avoid keeping storage under the bed.
  • Colors should be a reflection of your partner and your elements. Which you can discover by checking out this Birth Chart. I’m a wood element so browns and greens but also blues because water nourishes wood. (luckily for me, my apartment is filled with blues!)
  • Candles are the best source of lighting for bedrooms as they provide a warm, nourishing light. (and they’re romantic, perfect for setting the mood)
  • Try some sensual, relaxing art work and focus on a bed that is inviting and comfortable.

Here are some of my own tips for making a romantic space.

We think of red as a romantic colors, but red is not always the easiest to sleep around. Try red accents, maybe a red candle or a lighter shade suchs as a pink pillow or pink and red throughout a piece of art.

Keep the TV out of the bedroom. Its a hard one, I know. But having the TV in the bedroom is distracting. The bedroom is for sleeping, relaxing and romance! Not a whole lot is romantic about a big LCD TV screen…

Satin or satin like sheets feel great on the skin and instantly trigger sensual thoughts. Maybe not for everyday, but if you know its going to be a big night try switching out to some satin sheets.  I actually love the microfiber sheets from Target, they have a satin-y feel to them and are much more suitable for every day use!

I agree candles can definitely make the mood, but also some soft music, and some sensual incense can also create a really romantic vibe!

 

What other suggestions do you have to amp up the romance in your bedroom?

 

The Guide to Buying Inexpensive Lingerie!

I used to be an avid lingerie shopper. I had a whole dresser just devoted to it. It wasn’t necessarily for sharing with my boyfriend at the time (although he welcomed the plethora of options) but I spent quite a few years as a model doing lingerie shoots primarily (considering I’m not a size 0 and have boobs bigger than even Victoria’s Secret models) lingerie/glamour and nudes where my thing since I have the curves and figure for it. So I spent ALOT of money on lingerie. And I had some weird stuff too given to me by clients…which at some point I was like…w.t.f. am I going to do with this and just tossed it.

So buying lingerie used to be my thing, I knew of great places to get it, in a variety of sizes and on the cheap. When you’re doing a few shoots a month you dont want repeat offenders so having a wide selection is important. And goodness knows I was not about to go and drop $100 everytime I needed a new garter belt at Victoria’s Secret.

I don’t buy so much any more (especially since I live alone and my boyfriend is far far away) but I do always browse the lingerie section when I have the chance to and have a few favorite spots to get some sexy underthings when the need calls!

Now one thing about me, is I really do HATE online shopping. Unless its from a store that I absolutely know the size I wear and can ensure that it will fit the same everytime (or if its shoes) I won’t buy online. The hassle of returning things because they don’t fit annoys me. Ain’t nobody got time to return shit.

But here’s some (In Person!) places I’ve had some luck at!

TJMaxx/Marshalls

Check out TJMaxx, Marshalls and other similar stores. You can find some really nice bras/panties (think Calvin Klein, DKNY, Betsey Johnson) and if you’re really into digging and checking frequently (like I am!) they will occassionally have some super cute nighties or lingerie, I’ve even seen some Teddies and corset-esque styles! Especially around V-day.  Prices are usually even cheaper here then they are at department stores (I’ve found DKNY and Calvin Klein bras for only $7!!)

Nordstrom Rack

This is my go-to. I keep it separate from TJMaxx and Marshalls because the Rack is a little bit pricier and they carry more expensive bras like Natori and even some La Perla. The reason I usually opt for Nordstrom Rack is because the more expensive brands like Natori, carry a 32DDD/32F. A hard size to come by. And although I could go to the regular Nordstrom spending $70-100 on a bra just isn’t my favorite thing. So when I find my size at the Rack, I buy it up! You usually can find matching panties, but they don’t really carry much lingerie.

Nordstrom Rack

Nordstrom Rack

Nordstrom Rack

Nordstrom Rack

 

Fredericks of Hollywood

Lucky me there’s a Frederick’s somewhat nearby (only a 40 min drive) but if you’re looking for bras in a ton of different sizes and lots of lingerie here is your place. They always have good sales (buy two bras for $40 kinda sales) and they’re clearance rack is always a good place to go for corsets. Before I got sized at Nordstrom, I went here all the time. They’re sizes (to me!) Remained pretty consistent, so I wasn’t buying a 32DD in one bra and a 34D in another.  So I was cool with ordering online.

Fredericks of Hollywood

Fredericks of Hollywood

Fredericks of Hollywood

Fredericks of Hollywood

 

H&M

Eventhough they don’t carry my size at all, H&M is my first place to check when I’m looking for lingerie. Because A. Its cheap (and if that baby is just going to get ripped off why spend a bunch of money) C. they usually have a pretty wide variety. Lots of lacey underthings, including corsets, bras, panties…they used to have garter belts but I haven’t seen them in awhile. H&M is a good place if you’re looking for things without spending a ton!

H&M

H&M

H&M

H&M

H&M

H&M

Burlington Coat Factory

Yep, totally found cute stuff here! Cheap too. This is a great place to just pick up some throw away lingerie (maybe for a weekend trip or for a naughty date night!) You gotta dig through the isles but you can find some cute corset style items.  Now Although I’ve found stuff at Burlington, the quality isn’t always the best. These are definitely the wear once or twice kinda lingerie pieces. I wouldn’t recommend perhaps buying something you’d wear often from here, like bras or if you wear corsets often. But if you want something cute for a night, its worth a gander.

Burlington Coat Factory

Burlington Coat Factory

Burlington Coat Factory

Burlington Coat Factory

Burlington Coat Factory

Burlington Coat Factory

Discovery Clothing

If you’re in Illinois, Indiana, Florida or Wisconsin. Discovery is a sure fire place to stop in for some dirt cheap lingerie. This is another wear once or twice kinda place. But for me it was always a great place to pick up some variety for photoshoots without spending a ton of money. Not to mention, I bought TONS of underwear here (my dog has a little thing about eating my undies…so I am constantly buying new ones). Now its not so convienently located for me, but if the need strikes for a new piece of lingerie that I don’t plan on wearing a ton, this is where I’ll go.

Forever 21

Different F21 offer different things, but you can find some really cute things here in their intimates section! Its Forever 21 so its really reasonably priced and usually on trend. Sizes can be limited as they typically shoot for the young, thin 20-something with average boobs, so if you’re on the curvy side or chesty side, I’d look elsewhere.

Forever 21

Forever 21

Forever 21

Forever 21

Forever 21

Forever 21

Charlotte Russe/Wet Seal/Rainbow/5-7-9

I’ve found things here on occasion. Best time to check it out? Around Valentine’s Day or New Years. And don’t just look in the intimates section. Charlotte Russe often carries bustiers right on the racks next to the t-shirts! Its worth a peek in the other stores, even if its just a quick walk through to see what they’ve got!

Aerie

Bras, Undies and a really great photoshop-free campaign. Vowing to not photoshop their models and show a wide(r) variety of different sized girls. Aerie is a good place to check out if you’re on the hunt for some great basics. Plus they’re underwear is awesome…and sometimes they do a 10 for $20 deal on underwear…best. deal. ever.

Topshop

If you’re lucky enough to have a topshop near you, definitely check out their lingerie section! I’m not a big fan of their clothing but after browsing their website, they’re lingerie is pretty cute! They have some bigger cup sizes listed which is nice and unusual for stores like Topshop. Not too much in the way of teddies/corsets/babydolls, but definitely lots of matching sets, bralets and color!

Top Shop

Top Shop

American Apparel

Not a whole lot about American Apparel says…well American…to me, besides it being made in the USA. But its also a good place to look for something basic or something unique. If you need a bandeau bra or a body suit…go here first. I needed a body suit for my halloween costume, after searching 10+ places…I finally went here. Boom, walked in, two minutes found exactly what I needed. Could have saved myself about 6 hours of shopping…

American Apparel

American Apparel

American Apparel

American Apparel

American Apparel

American Apparel

Urban Outfitters

Another place worth a check if you’re looking for something a little more casual! Relaxed and comfy is the style of most of their lingerie. Some of the bra sets have a really cool geometric graphic style to them! Could be great for a weekend away! And while you’re at Urban Outfitters wander over to the books section and pick up some fun books to fill out together! I’ve even seen 365 days of positions hidden in the stacks at UO!

Urban Outfitters

Urban Outfitters

Urban Outfitters

Urban Outfitters

Anthropologie

A little on the higher priced end of the list, but nice none the less. Anthropologie (and Urban Outfitters) isn’t my usual go to place for clothes as Anthro is usually pretty pricey for a bohemian style and Urban is just too bohemian for me (I’m more of a Kate Spade kinda girl). But lingerie is a different story, it can be flowy, pretty, lacy and dreamy which will make it totally sexy! Anthropologie has a few high end items (some body suits over $150) but everything ranges around $70.

Anthropologie

Anthropologie

Anthropologie

Anthropologie

 

Victoria’s Secret

The obvious option. Now if you’ve been reading along with me for awhile…you’ll get the vibe that I don’t like Victoria’s Secret. They have some gorgeous lingerie. They really do. But overall, I can never find anything, A. that comes in my size, B. its expensive to buy things that dont fit.  The ONLY time I shop at Victoria’s Secret is the semi-annual sale and thats only if I happen to pass by.  I like the underwear (but when my dog chews it up before its a week old…spending $8 on a pair of panties…not so good). I’ve found wuth bras they don’t last very long, especially for spending $50 on one. But you will be sure to find something for your special occasion at VS.

Victoria's Secret

Victoria’s Secret

Victoria's Secret

Victoria’s Secret

Target

Target is hit or miss when it comes to lingerie. They used to carry lots of pretty little nighties and baby dolls, but now the selection is limited and the teen options are much larger. But sometimes in their bridal endcap they’ll have something cute or around Valentine’s day. Its always a good place to check out for a cute matching set of bra/panties.  And Target is my FAVORITE, and I’m talking FAVORITE place to buy underwear. Everytime I go I buy at least 5 pair. The clearance section always has tons of panties for anywhere from $1.75-3.50. I stock up!

Target

Target

Target

Target

Walmart

Yes, I said Walmart. Now I’ve been a few times to a Walmart that carries clothing (there aren’t any in my close proximity) but I have on occasion checked out other locations and they do sometimes have cute things. Their selection online is slim, but I’m sure (like with any place) the options around Valentine’s day get boosted up a bit. Plus for $12-20 its not bad to have that as an option if you’re in a pinch or can’t afford much. Plus you can always count on Walmart when you’re out of town…you know there will be one somewhere nearby.

Walmart

Walmart

Kmart

Thank you Sophia Vergara! I was not only surprised but impressed with their online offerings…I may just have to venture on up to the nearest Kmart! Kmart teamed up with Sophia Vergara but also Adore Me (Remember my enthusiasm for Subscription boxes!!! Adore Me is the Lingerie Subscription Service!) So there are TONS of cute lingerie pieces online (and at the stores I’m sure). Between regular lingerie and shapewear (totally gorgeous if you ask me!) Kmart is a really reasonable option and way better than Walmart and Target. Still the wear a few times kinda lingerie but now that I know they have such a great selection I’ll be heading that way to check it out when I need something new!

Kmart

Kmart

KMart

KMart

Kmart

Kmart

Kmart

Kmart

Sears

Sears and Kmart are kiiiiinda the same, but Sears does have some different things than Kmart. They do carry the same Adore Me line so you’ll see some repeats on their website. But they have their own items as well! And Sears has a whole category just for Corsets! <3 The nice thing about places like Sears and Kmart is they often have plus size lingerie too. So no one has to feel left out! It looks like some of their more specialty stuff (like the Adore Me, Corsets, fancier lingerie) is only available online, but its still worth a trip to see what they’ve got! You can always ship to store now, try it on and return right there if it doesn’t fit…Well crap, I never thought of that before now! Hello!

Sears

Sears

Sears

Sears

JCPenny

Another suprising little place to check out. Their online selection is pretty decent as well.  A pretty good mix of reasonably priced corsets, chemises and baby dolls and cute matching sets of panties and bras, in a variety of sizes and colors. Now part of the issue I have with places like Sears/Walmart/JCP and their lingerie selection is the size selection is pretty generic. Think you get a 32A, 32B, 32C…34A, 34B, 34C…etc. Pretty limited considering most people don’t fit into that slim little sizing category. But trial and error you can find a size that “kinda” fits and its coming off at the end of the night anways so why not.

JCPenny

JCPenny

JCPenny

JCPenny

Those are my little go to (and some new finds! Hey Hey Kmart!) places when I’m looking for inexpensive lingerie that isn’t VS. If I do shop online, I tend to go to Yandy.com because of the absolutely MASSIVE selection of lingerie, cheap prices and once I kinda figured out my generic sizing equivalent its ok to shop for cheap lingerie.

One last piece of advice…particularly about sizing. I can’t stress enough about how important it is to get a REAL bra fitting that is not done at Victoria’s Secret. It seriously can change your life having a correct size. But it can cost you a fortune.  But if you get fitted, know your true size (not your VS bullshit size) you can kinda try on a few things in a few different sizes to see what could work. Here’s some things that work for me…and my 32F chest…

  • I stay away from cheap lingerie that has underwire/cup specific sizes. Since most cheap lingerie goes up to a C its hard to find something that I’m not oozing out of. I stick to lacy, no-cup size, baby doll style pieces or slim fitting chemises.
  • When you get fitted, as the fit specialist for some suggestions! Just tell her you want to buy some sexy lingerie, but you can only find pieces you like that don’t go up to your size, what do you suggest?? A girlfriend of mine, got some of her favorite bras tailored when she lost some weight!
  • Try on different sizes, if you can absolutely not avoid a wired cup, try different sizes. If you’re normally a 34D, but they only go up to a C, try a 36C. It doesn’t always work, but I’ve managed to find some 34D pieces that was able to smoosh into comfortably.
  • Know the return policy, try on and if don’t take the tags off if you’re not sure. I learned my lesson, I bought a bra (when I see 32DDD/F, I just buy without trying now) and when I got home I ripped the tag off, tossed it and tried it on…well the bra didn’t quite fit like I’d like to so now I’m stuck with a bra that fits but not super comfortable…when I could have returned it.
  • Know your favorite brands. Oh.My.Gosh. This is KEY. I have two favorite brands of bra…DKNY and Josie. Everytime I see one at the Rack in my size I buy, because I know they fit, I know I love them and they’re oh so comfortable. I love my DKNY bra so much that I emailed them told them how much I loved it because it came in my size and no one ever carries that size…it is now falling apart because I wear it so much. Knowing which brands you love and fit well…help when you go to places like the Rack or TJMaxx. You can zone in on those.

I hope this CRAZY long post helps you find some awesome lingerie! My next lingerie adventure is to try some online shopping…

Where do you like to buy lingerie!?

 

 

 

***All opinions are my own, I have not been compensated by any of the above companies for this post***

Taboo Tuesdays: Street Harassment, Its not ok.

Today’s Taboo Tuesday Topic, is something I’m super passionate about. I would most certainly consider myself a feminist. I think that women are more often than not, treated unequally. I believe that it is our job as women to fight back, but also to work with men in order to eliminate the inequality, to end rape culture (because it sure does exist) and to put a stop to sexism across the board. Its not any easy feat, but it takes some really strong, vocal women, some really dedicated and motivated men to really get the change happening. It wont happen over night, it wont happen in a few years…it will take a really long time, but we have to start with the next generation…make them know that its not ok to be treated that way, or to treat others that way, regardless of their sex.

Street harassment is something that happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. And so many have experienced it. Me personally, it happens almost every single day. No matter what I’m wearing, whether I’m alone, with friends, walking my dogs, getting coffee, changing out quarters, covered in paint, lugging bags of groceries down the street or riding the bus to work. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, where I am, what I’m wearing or whether or not I have a bitch face going on (which most times I do, just to avoid being harassed…but that evokes harassment in itself), I get harassed. And I’m not saying that I’m so hot that it happens every day. I’m not the only one. It happens to tons of women, every day.

According to the Hollaback Organization a non-profit and movement that is fighting back against street harassment against women, 70-99% of women GLOBALLY, have experienced street harassment. 70-99%! Worldwide! They’ve conducted research in the USA, the UK, Poland, Canada, Croatia, and Istanbul. Those numbers are way too high.

Sexual harassment can have a negative affect on a woman’s physical and mental health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, weight loss/gain, headaches and lack of sleep.  And you may say, the cat calls on the street don’t bother me that way, or I don’t get affected by it like that….but it doesn’t mean other women don’t. We as women, need to help our friends, our sisters, our mothers, aunts, cousins, that stranger on the street, because who knows how she feels when she gets home after being called a bitch on the street, or told that someone wants to do explicit things to her. Both men and women need to support those girls, those women who are taking those comments home with them, letting them affect their daily life.

Share your stories through Hollaback, or with the hashtag #thatswhathesaid @huffpostwomen, to get the word out there that street harassment isn’t ok.

When you respond to street harassment you have to do whats comfortable for you. Sometimes you feel confident to respond (sometimes I do, most times I ignore) other times you have to put your safety first. Do what you’re comfortable with. Carry pepper spray, keys in your hand and invest in some self defense classes. Share your story, help others. If you see someone else getting harassed, ask if they’re ok!

 

Here are a few of my experiences:

I was in Vegas with my friends for a convention, I was wearing a black long sleeve dress, with a bright blue blazer, tights and my hair in a bun. I could have easily come from a seminar. Meeting my girlfriends at one of the casino bars, I was walking around trying to find them. Not once, but TWICE men came up to me and asked me if I was working. I looked at one slightly confused until it clicked what he meant. I quickly spat out, No I’m not fucking working.  A second came up and whispered in my ear and asked how much. I told him to fuck off.

I felt confident enough with my safety being in a crowded space to say something back. But it doesn’t always happen that way. 

Two weekends ago, I was working on some craft projects in my apartment. I had to move outside to the alley way (pretty wide open next to an auto repair shop with an open parking lot) to do some spray painting.  Typically there’s no one around, the occasional car will pass or people walking in the street in front of my building, which I can see through the parking lot. I had my items all spread out and was painting away (in workout gear and pretty covered up). As I was cleaning up, a man came walking through the alleyway with a rolling suitcase. (this happens on occasion as I live above a thrift shop so people are often sorting through the dumpsters behind the shop). I had moved my items to the stairs so they could be propped up to dry a little before I took them in. The man, sat on the stairs, basically blocking my way to the door and started to talk to me. In any other situation I would have ignored him, or in a more public setting, would have said thanks but I’m busy. But today, I was out alone, it was in the early evening and he was blocking the door. I felt I had no choice but to talk to him, or risk my safety. I made idle chit chat for a few moments while my items dried a little, he questioned me as to why I kept looking at my phone, tried to impress me with very clearly made up stories and smelled of stale booze,  but after a few minutes I told him I was going inside. I carried a few things in and as I walked up the stairs he softly grabbed my leg. Although I regret not saying something, if he had enough courage to grab my leg, who knows what else he would have done. I stayed in my apartment for a good 10 minutes before I went down to retrieve the rest of my things…knowing that if he was still there I would have to call the police.

Even though I consider myself a pretty strong person, this scared me. I didn’t want to come back out of my apartment for the fear that he was still there waiting for me. Its not the first time I’ve been accosted either.  I’ve been grabbed by a homeless man while with my then boyfriend. That time I did have to call the police.

When you are fearful of your safety, thats when you have to make the difficult choices. Knowing that he had a way of blocking me from going into my home, had the balls to grab my leg…he had positioned himself in a place of power. He had some of the control. I was in a corner, with no way out but past him. It was either talk to him, or spray him in the face with my frosted glass spray paint…but I didn’t want to take the chance.

If you go to the Hollaback Site, they give you some ways to respond to street harassment. Take it seriously…because if we dont, it wont stop.

 

And if you ask me, I don’t want anyone to think that its ok to touch me without my permission.

 

 

 

The Dreaded Dry Spell doesn’t have to be all that bad….

I’m sure we’ve all been there. Those long dry spells, where there’s really nothing happening in the bedroom. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, they happen. (Not for everyone, or every relationship, but most people have experienced it in one way or another)  But having a dry spell doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. And it doesn’t mean that your relationship is lacking either.

Even though sex is a great stress reliever, can help you to relax, and make you feel great over all. Sometimes a little break can help you to invigorate the passion you have with your partner. Or for those of us in long distance relationships, it can be weeks or months between visits, so a drought is likely.

So how do you make the best of a period of no sex? So that when you are back into your normal sex routine its the best?

file000976319387

Spend sometime reflecting on why you’re in a dry spell! Are you single, but don’t want to just sleep with anyone? In a relationship and just have had so much going on sex is the last thing on your mind? In a long distance relationshp and its going to be a bit before you see your partner? Maybe its health reasons? or maybe its just personal. What ever the reason is, be sure to understand it! If you are unhappy with being in a dry spell then make a change so that you can get right out of there!

So if you’re single and maybe your sex life is not so happening, get yourself out there! Try online dating, join some groups (Meetup.com is a great place to find some new activities), go out with friends in groups of guys and girls. The more you put yourself out there the more opportunities you have to meet someone! Don’t be on the hunt, but if you open yourself up to the different possibilities, your door to some great sex might just open up!

If you’re in a relationship and things are put on the back burner. If you’re purposely avoiding sex, it might be a time to take a look at why you are. If you’re both just busy and haven’t had the time, and you’re both ok with it, take that time to better yourself! (this actually goes for anyone, in any situation) Whether it be finding some time to get into shape, eating healthy or even getting a hair cut or giving yourself a makeover. Do something that makes you feel great about yourself! Your confidence may inspire some action in the bedroom!  If you’re not happy with your current sex situation, schedule it in. Make time for it!

If you’re in a LDR, this is the time to spend with some friends, better yourself and do somethings you enjoy on your own. Work on your relationship without the sex (it’ll be better if you do!) and when you’re together, the sex will be spot on.

 

So how do you deal with a dry spell?

 

Taboo Tuesdays!

So dealbreakers aren’t really a taboo…but sometimes being too selective can provide you with some missed opportunities. And who wants to miss out on what could be a great relationship if the other person just so happens to have one of your dealbreakers on file?!

hand-shake-191184-m

I spent about 3 years figuring out who I was, what I wanted and where I was going but also who I was looking for in a partner. I did it all, dated guys I met at bars, guys I worked with (which is a bad bad bad idea…for some it works, but for most, it doesnt) and the never ending cycle of online dating from Match to OKCupid to Plenty of Fish, I got past the eighteen gazillion questions for EHarmony but then was like…this shit is too much. So over the course of 3 years I went on a bazillion dates. My first year I went for anyone that was the EXACT opposite of my ex, everything from personality to appearance. And I had one dealbreaker that was an absolute no go. And that was a no cop policy. It was a personal preference as I dated one for 4 years and had no desire to make a repeat. (And yes I know, they’re not all the same…I just didn’t want to be in the cop’s girlfriend/wife life sytle again). I’m also terribly allergic to cats so a dude with cats was not going to work…

But here’s what I did learn, I learned to loosen up on everything else. I thought for sure I wanted to find someone who was the all american, attractive, into sports, having a good time, great in the sack, good job with lots of ambition (think doc, lawyer, etc) and was ready to settle down. But I also wanted someone who was not controlling, was over a certain height, super in shape (but not a meat-head), had dark hair, dark eyes, didn’t want kids, wasn’t intimidated by my career goals, and could make me laugh, but was also interesting, smart, well traveled, had a sense of adventure and would love my dogs like they would love children (this last one is very important). I definitely went out with guys who had lots of those attributes, and others that I sat across the bar wondering how I could get out.  For the most part they were boring. Just plain boring. So I started breaking my rules…relaxing a little. Going out with “gasp” a cop, guys who didn’t really meet my physical requirements (I even went on a date with a guy who’s 5’10″…I’m 6’1″ with heels) and guys who weren’t interested in a realtionship.

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I broke my rules and what did I get? Almost all of the above. It was worth it too!  And thank goodness he doesn’t have cats, nor is he a cop! But by taking a chance, and breaking your rules and jumping in headfirst is sometimes going to get you to the place you want to land. Now I have all those things I wanted; good job, great personality, attractive, very tall (my favorite!), smart, funny and interesting…and he’s coming around to my pups! (and I know he’s reading haha)

But I’m not the only one who broke the rules, I’ve had friends who went outside their comfortzone, vowing never to date someone younger (now with someone who is a few years younger and been together for over a year),and another who found someone outside the typical guy she dated (now practically inseparable).  In the end breaking the rules, had the best outcome! So it might be worth it to get your rules a break and give that person you might not consider a chance. It doesn’t mean it will be a guarantee to work, but its worth a shot right?! And if you’re allergic to cats and they have 3…that might be one to stay away from…