Getting what you want from your partner…in bed!

I skipped posting Taboo Tuesdays yesterday because well I said ehhhh and I was trying to wrap my brain around observing not only a family member but also random people, in two days, when my family lives 400 miles away, plus I live alone (unless you count my dogs, but an interaction with them consists of: Here’s my toy, play with me. Scratch my ears, lick feet, lick everything, sleep on your legs till you sweat)  and I work in an office where we all sit huddled at our desks for most of the day….yeah. not. going. to. happen. Ahhhh the beautiful world of I got a degree in theater so I’m really good at pretending and going to a liberal arts school some how managed to develop my really awesome bullshitting skills.

Now I just need to make up a really good, academic sounding, observation of some made up people…and act like I know what I’m talking about. By midnight…tonight…preferably while I’m at work…between working on two giant projects that I also can’t do anything on because my boss hasn’t told me what he wants yet…

See why I skipped yesterday? Its been chaos! But I figured if I’m going to put off doing this assignment…might as well do something productive with my time (besides you know…being swamped with my project at work).

If I could get whatever I wanted today…it would be to go take a nap, have someone else write my assignment and do my work as well as spending the evening lounging in bed…not alone. But you know…the only thing I can get out of that list is the nap part and even thats a stretch.  As its now nearing 4pm and I’ve yet to even look at my assignment.

But how can you get what you want…specifically in the bedroom? 

Communicating our desires in the bedroom can be increadibly challenging for some. Many fear that their desires will be rejected or they will be judged based on what they want. But hey…you won’t ever get what you want unless you try right??

If you’re fearful of bringing up some kinky things you have wanted to try, or that you have already enjoyed but aren’t sure how to approach it…I find that turning it into a game where both individuals can talk about their desires and fantasies!

There are plenty of little games, notebooks, cards that have you talk about your desires in a fun, lighthearted way that helps you get past that fear of voicing your desires! I used to have a small little book that had a ton of little questions that you and your partner would fill out together with silly little questions like “How do you like it when you’re partner does this” or “Do you pee in the shower” kinda stuff. I filled it out with my ex and I thought it was fun and silly (he on the other hand thought it was stupid) But if you turn it into a fun little foreplay session…they may just be up for it!

Here’s an example of a book! Here!


Or try a little card game like this one here

download (1)


As I’ve suggested a million times before, if you’re not ready to speak up verbally, try visually! Try a position book with pictures, or a book that has picures that describes how you want your partner to please you. Get one that does the same for them and highlight and swap!

Tickle His Pickle Tickle Your Fancy






Books like these are a great option! Pictures are a great way to communicate!





Watch porn together. Its a great way to visually see some positions, new techniques or encorporate some role-play into your relationship. Just remember to be realistic, don’t compare yourself to the abilities/skills of the actors and remember a lot of it can be exaggerated. Have open communication before, especially if you know there are things you are not into. And be prepared to offer up compromises and alternatives! Find a middle ground that you both can agree on and that you’re both comfortable with!

Do you have some other fun ways to help get what you want in the bedroom?? Share them with me!

Long Distance Blues

Happy  Monday! Its back to the grind this week. Trying to keep up with my new class, my work and keeping myself busy while I patiently wait for my bf to come up for a visit to the States!  But I got to spend some time with a great friend of mine while we celebrated our friend’s wedding! Nothing about a little love all weekend long to put you in a great mood.  But there’s always a flip side to all the lovey dovey, especially when you’re in a long distance relationship. Even the most happy moments can bring you down when you don’t have your special someone to share it with you in the moment. But here are some of my tips to keeping those long distance blues away:

  • Have a good support system (of people who really support you). Because there are those who are encouraging but also tend to fill your head with doubt. Have good people around you to help motivate you through the toughest times.
  • Keep busy. If you’re focusing a ton on how much your apart it can really bring your day down. Staying busy (but not so busy that you’re never able to talk to your partner) can help keep your emotions of the hard parts.
  • Have a plan. Whether it be a plan of when you’ll be together, or even if it means a plan to say Good Night every night.
  • Be optimistic. It can be really tough when you’re around other couples. Holding hands, on dates, kissing each other. While you get to watch from afar, knowing your partner is far away. But a little optimism is always great. Plus it allows you to appreciate the time you have.
  • As always, no matter what kind of relationship: long distance or if you live in the same house, communication is essential. Particularly when its long distance. Because you’re not in the same space, you can’t tell how someone is feeling unless you speak up. Plus good communication can avoid hurt feelings, a sense of uneasiness and can ultimately bring you closer. A long distance relationship isn’t based on physical attributes, its based on your communication and relationship between each other as individuals. Having good communication can make that relationship stronger for when you are together.
  • Know its not always going to be easy. Not going to lie long distance really fucking blows. It is not fun. If you can make it through the toughest parts, your relationship really can be even more amazing when you finally have the opportunity to be in the same place at the same time.
  • If you BOTH really want it, you can make it work. It will be challenging, it will be sad and upsetting. But then it will be happy and an adventure. And your time together will be much more important and valued.

Foreplay Fridays!

Feeling confident and sexy is one of the first steps you take to having a banging (Pun intended!) foreplay session. If you don’t feel confident in how you look, or how you feel…it can definitely put a damper on the mood. But here are some of my great tips to get you feeling sexy and confident!


  • Shave your legs! Seems so silly, but when you do the whole shebang; exfoliate, shave, lotion, you are bound to get a little sexy pep in your step! I know for me, having silky legs always makes me feel confident!
  • Wear Red or your favorite outfit. You know that dress that just instantly makes you feel smokin hot? Slip into your favorite dress/outfit to give yourself a little confidence boost! Wearing the color red is also a fantastic option, in some studies, men (specifically) are more attracted to images of women wearing red than those who are not!
  • Put some makeup on! Add a little mascara and some lipstick or follow an online tutorial of how to do a sultry smokey eye. I rarely wear makeup nowadays and everytime I do its like a special treat just to make me feel a little sexier!
  • Drink water. Seems like its well not the sexiest thing around right? But drinking water can help de-bloat you. So if you’ve got a hot date later tonight, be sure to load up on the aqua today.  Plus staying hydrated will keep ALL your body parts hydrated (your Vagina needs some hydration too ladies!)
  • Slip into some high heels. Heels instantly elongate your legs (and I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t thing a woman in heels isnt sexy) If you’re not comfortable walking in high heels, take a few practice laps and stick with a lower hight heel. If you’re looking to make your legs look a million miles long, stick with pointed, nude stilettos with no ankle straps!
  • Try some candles, mood lighting and sultry music. It will certainly create a sexy vibe!
  • Invest in some sexy lingerie. Whether it be a matching bra and panty set or a full on corset, having an arsenal of lingerie in your closet is always a great thing to bust out when you’re ready to get in the mood!

Got some more tips on how to feel sexy and boost your confidence?? Share them in the Comments!


Don’t forget! Follow me on twitter for your chance to win a C-Ring and some Lube!


Taboo Tuesdays!

Do you hold out on sex? Not because you’re not in the mood, but because your partner pissed you off and holding out is your way of punishment? I hope not…because its really not a method to solve any problems.


Unfortunately it seems to be an easy route to getting what you want in a relationship, whether it be some task that needs to be done at home, or an emotional one. But holding out on sex is only going to hurt you and your relationship.

Sex shouldn’t be a form of punishment. (And yes I know, there’s BDSM and the like, that punishment is a normal aspect of the relationship and is consensual) However, in your normal, non-role play environment, using sex as a punishment can be damaging.  It can cause strain and adds a new problem to the mix instead of actually solving the original problem.

Sex is ultimately a way to show love, enjoyment, fun and intimacy with your partner. Using it for a form of punishment because they pissed you off, takes creates a negative atmosphere around it (whether you intend to or not)


So what can you do if your partner pisses you off instead of withholding sex?


Solve the problem, create a solution, talk it out. Because instead of avoiding the issue, holding out and most likely making it worse because now you’re holding out on something you probably both want…you can talk about it, and as a result have amazing makeup sex…because isn’t that the best kind sometimes??!?!